Chairman masters the bump and run

If he can line up sponsors, John Glasscock might have a future in NASCAR.

The chairman of the Morgan County Commission is already gaining attention on the local driving circuit.

Glasscock has been swapping paint.

Now he’s mastering the bump and run.

The late Dale Earnhardt made this racing strategy famous. He bumped the rear of a competitor’s car and then sped by him for the victory.

Glasscock could learn more by studying the Intimidator.

After hitting a teenager’s truck recently with his county car and leaving the scene of the accident, Glasscock explained the minor accident by saying, “I thought it was a little old lady.”

Some puzzled racing fans — particularly little old ladies — took offense.

After Earnhardt caused a wreck, he smoothed it over by saying, “That’s jest racin’.”

That seemed to resolve any hard feelings in most cases.

Another lesson from Earnhardt is not to get greedy. You shouldn’t bump more than one car at a time.

When Glasscock was involved in a six-car incident in 2005 — The Big One — he ended up behind the wall with major damage to his car’s aerodynamics.

The county paid $40,000 to settle a lawsuit and the car repair bill came to $6,000.

Maybe the county could look at that as a down payment on sponsorship.

Can’t you see Chairman Glasscock whooping it up in the winner’s circle at Talladega?

“I’d like to thank the Morgan County Commission and Girls Gone Wild for giving me a car that could run at the front all day,” he might say. “The No. 52 Ford Crown Victoria was awesome.

“We got behind at one point, but the other drivers got out of my way when they saw me coming. I stayed out of trouble and the boys in the orange jumpsuits from the county jail got me out of the pits like clockwork.

“I ain’t never had so much dang fun servin’ the people.”